I’m such an extrovert, and cannot spend enough time with my girlfriends or people in general. I know that when God made me, he made me to love people. But, when Nolan and I got married, there was a shift in my relationships. I’m not sure how it happened, but I started to become more isolated. I was the first of my friends to get married and move out of my parent’s house, I moved on to a new part of life, and I was now distant. It didn’t help that I moved 20 minutes farther away from all my friends, and half of them went off to college at the same time. I was forgoing college, and running head-on into marriage life, and literally no one in my life was doing the same thing..
I now find myself in this place of loneliness that prayed I would never be in again. I’m feeling so insecure and think much too often, “am I just not worthy of being known?”, while praying for close friends; ones that I can do life with, who will encourage me, and I them, and get to know the real me. I crave that vulnerability and relationship so much, and I know that’s how the Lord has designed me. Feeling isolated is one of the worst feelings in the world. If you were to ask me what my worst fear is, isolation is top 3. The other two are losing my husband and losing my family.
You may be in this same spot; a season of transition and growth partnered with some discouragement and insecurity. And honestly, I think that’s okay. I believe that the Lord brings us to these places of loneliness to draw us closer to his heart, and to plant others in our lives; people we never would have known otherwise. But, how do we find comfort in all this? How do we wait with anticipation and walk in faith, believing that we will leave the loneliness and feelings of unworthiness behind?
We need to learn to cling to God’s promises that he will never leave us, that he won’t make us walk in the valleys alone, that he delights in us, and that we are chosen by Him. We don’t need validation from others to be loved and worthy, since God isn’t a conditional God. He will sustain you, and me, and He will fill us up if we seek him. Yes, I believe that he made us to have fellowship and to encourage one another, and I believe that he will never let me or you walk this life out completely alone, even when those relationships fade or fail us.
In all this, my prayer is that you and I would have people in our lives to cherish and encourage, people who aren’t just family and spouses, but friends – true godly friends. I hope that soon these struggles that we walk through would be a testimony to God’s grace and love for us. I pray that we would have bold faith to seek out friendships, to get out of our comfort zones and pursue others and Jesus. I cannot wait for the day that I can look back on this and say that God has been so good to me, but until then I’ll continue to lean on God, holding onto every single one of his promises. I’ll proclaim that God is good, and that he is faithful no matter what.